what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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