Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
