Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
