We're like a lot better than the average bears
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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