Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Say something about gay babies.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
