I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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