3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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