Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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