oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
