We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
