I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize