Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just cropdusted the office
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
