I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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