on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
