Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
