Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
