So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
