he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Randomize
