I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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