question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just took my morning after pill in the library
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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