benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
