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Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
