Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
