Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
