Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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