Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
