just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
