Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
