The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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