She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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