walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
no you cant smoke seaweed
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize