i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
