I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
