Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
