no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
