Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
one two three fourrrrnication!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
