Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
