Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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