I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize