evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
