i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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