BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
