They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
