my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
