I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
