is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
