My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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