Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
