why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
