It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
