Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
