I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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