i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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