no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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