dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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