I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
