Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
