My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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