Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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