I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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