if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
