you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
