apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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