Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
