what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
