im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
