College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
