you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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